Well.. Day 1/101 went well, but then I knew it would. I’m a great starter of things, and then I get distracted and don’t necessarily finish, or finish well. So a start and end to this project might be good for me – interesting to know how we know our own patterns and yet don’t follow them or change them, isn’t it?
I went out on the bike again – 40 minutes through forest and on roads, and I wasn’t AS tired. My youngest son came with me, and was my personal trainer on route, insisting he stayed behind me to spur me on. “Come on, five more pedals. One, Two, Three, Nearly there, Four, Five, Brilliant!” It was, too.
I met one of Team Caroline and her first words were “what’s all this malarky in that email? When are you going to stop being so hard on yourself?” Good question – and I could answer this one, for the answer is NOW – that’s the idea of this project. She insisted on paying for coffee, reminding me that “allowing someone else to pay for coffee was ALSO about nurturing yourself through your friends.” She’s wiser than I thought 😉 I laughed.
She then probed further. What did it mean to nurture myself? How was I going to do this, exactly? I replied saying, “it means looking after me first. It means being gentle on myself, and it means slowing down and finding balance.” Yes, she said – but HOW?
“I’m going to nurture my body by choosing a healthier way of being that’s GI or high protein/low carb, I’m going to get outside more, walk and cycle more. I’m going to have massages, and I’m going to read again just for the sheer fun of it. And I’m going to learn to stop multi-tasking.”
But you’re a woman, she said; it’s what we do….
Hhmm. Yes, I understand that – but I’ve been reading new research on multi-tasking and how it means you’re not really present in whatever you are doing, and how it often means you don’t do any one thing well. For me, this is about stepping away from my phone, primarily, I said.
So if I’m watching TV, I just watch TV, I’m not checking Facebook or my twitter accounts or emails or texting. Lee (my husband) will appreciate that, I know.. but actually, as I said this, I realised it wasn’t about just sitting in front of the TV all the time; that thought fills me with horror! But I guess if I choose to watch TV then I will just watch what I’m watching and enjoy the full experience of it. Last night, instead of watching TV, I decided to bring the washing in of the line and just iron it, fresh from the line, and listen to the radio, and it was good. I was quite happy and content.
But – and here’s a big but. I couldn’t give her any more examples of how I might nurture myself. I haven’t a clue what else would suit ME. I woke this morning and decided I’d do some research. An internet search found examples of how to “nurture your child”, or your “nurture your creativity easily – but ones on nurturing your Caroline? Well that wasn’t such an easy task! I guess I could think about nurturing my inner child, and nurturing my creativity too, and that might be all part of it, as I’m not good at nurturing my creativity very well. I go through bursts of it – and have stencilled, painted, made salt dough, cross stitched, baked, made vision boards and butterfly cards, written poems and stories, gardened, and then life tends to take over or change and I seem to forget about this key part of me. So today’s nurturing lessons – as I realise there may well be 101 lessons at least – are:
– nurturing yourself includes letting your friends nurture you
– I am going to journal about nurturing my inner child to find joy in simplicity
– nurturing my creativity is part of this experiment, and perhaps it is time to be wildly creative, or to be creative in a wild way so I nurture that part of me too
– I need to understand what nurtures ME, what nurtures MY spirit as I’m unique before I can start practising it
I’m grateful for those who love me enough to ask the hard questions. Clearly I need to start at the very beginning – so I’m off to do some more research and journaling…..