Love this by Stacey Charter …
There comes a time when you have to stand up and shout:
This is me damn it! I look the way I look, think the way I think, feel the way I feel, love the way I love! I am a whole complex package. Take me. . . or leave me.
Accept me–or walk away! Do not try to make me feel like less of a person,
just because I don’t fit your idea of who I should be and don’t try to change me to fit your mold. If I need to change, I alone will make that decision.
When you are strong enough to love yourself 100%, good and bad – you will be amazed at the opportunities that life presents you.
It doesn’t happen all at once,’ said the Skin Horse. ‘You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t often happen to toys who break easily, or have sharp edges, or have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out, and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand. The Boy’s Uncle made me Real,’ he said. ‘That was a great many years ago; but once you are Real you can’t become unreal again. It lasts for always.
I don’t often wear grumpy pants – but clearly I do have a pair that I sit in, now and again. I’ve been frustrated that some of the people I love most in the world sometimes talk to each other in a less than totally loving way. At least today I realised that it’s not my job to sort things out all the time – or be peacekeeper. Sometimes I possibly make things worse. People can’t see what they don’t want to see, or hear what they don’t want to hear – so pointing it out only annoys them and it upsets me more when they go to defensive and/or attack mode.
Which is no less than I do myself. So when I hear I’m grumpy I could go to defence mode (my usual stance), or sit back and observe. This curiousness-thing is fascinating; to observe as a witness/be mindful is teaching me so much.
Like when I’m really tired, my voice goes even quieter than normal. As if the effort of talking is almost too much – and I then get annoyed when I’m asked to repeat what people actually didn’t hear. Or when I’m really tired my tone changes to a flatter tone that could sound grumpy. No. It does sound grumpy. What I’ve also learned is that sometimes when I remove myself from a situation, others just get on with talking to each other.
I dont know why things are currently being attracted into my life or why there are what seem to be needless delays in things happening. I am Mrs Impatience, wanting answers and solutions NOW, please and thank you. As I went to write “no patience” I wrote “know patience” so my unconscious mind is already working on that, it would seem!
Maybe it really is, as the wise woman told me, time to learn patience and time to put me first for a while and let others do the nurturing. Maybe too, as Lee keeps telling me, it’s just time to be quiet, and go to sleep when my body says it’s time to do that even if it IS silly o’clock. Who knows? What I do know is – like Annie – that tomorrow is another day and I will probably feel quite quite different. 🙂
A quote from one of my favourite authors on authenticity. “Years ago I still feared loss enough to abandon myself in order to keep things stable. I’d smile when I was sad, pretend to like people who appalled me. What I now know is that losses aren’t cataclysmic if they teach the heart and soul their natural cycle of breaking and healing. A real tragedy? That’s the loss of the heart and soul themselves. If you’ve abandoned yourself in the effort to keep anyone or anything else, unlearn that pattern. Live your truth, losses be damned. Just like that, your heart and soul will return home.” Martha Beck