I’m good at beginnings, I said yesterday. But not so good at endings. On the basis of today I’m not very good at the in-betweens either, and I’m just going to be honest about how I feel. You see, this nurturing malarkey is taking a while to get my head round, let alone live with.
Yesterday I spent time researching what nurturing might mean to others. I was trying to get ideas beyond the list i gave my friend yesterday and I got lots – even if not all of them appealed to me, but at least I was thinking about a new way of being. And I got a brilliant list of questions to journal on about what it all meant to ME from someone on Team Caroline, and I will journal about them but firstly I needed to give myself some space to filter them and then my brain was too tired to do anything after that. This could, of course be an avoidance tactic 😉
I went for quite a long walk with the dog yesterday, and ended up with blisters on my feet. I took the medication for my fibromyalgia as that was painful, as I figured that was a form of nurturing & it might help me sleep – but it didn’t, and it just made my head feel fuzzy! I set my alarm for 6 to have a walk before work (blisters covered) but I was so tired I changed my mind – yesterday I read that sometimes you nurture yourself by wakening up slowly. So I thought I’d try that instead – but I learned that I didn’t feel any better. I should have gone for the walk!
I didn’t nurture myself at lunch, eating on the run through a meeting. I didn’t enjoy my dinner of a new type of fish, which was late being served and because there was an argument at the table. I didn’t ask for help to do the dishes, figuring I shouldn’t have to – though I read asking for help is nurturing. Which makes sense but I’m not that good at that.
So I grumped about a bit and as football was on I came up to read or journal. Except I didn’t feel like doing either.
You can see I was having a real pity party! A half empty day. And when I feel like that there are a few options that work and if all else fails, I go for a walk or I go to sleep. This time I chose a walk. And as I walked, I breathed deeply – and that’s what made the difference. I felt energy returning and my mood lifting. So day 3 has shown me that:
– my type of nurturing is not someone else’s.
– I’m going to have some bad days when I don’t look after myself at all
– it’s trial and error to find what works
– some exercise is better than no exercise and I’m happier when I move
– asking for help is going to get easier!
Tomorrow is another day. That fact gives me hope! Beautiful as Rome is, it wasn’t built in a day – so I won’t be rebuilt in a day or two either.