Project Me – 38/101 – Miracles and New Steps

And so they continue. I harvest my journal and see the amazing things that happen in just over a month…

Miracle 11 – White Rabbit

I feel disconnected, discontented, wondering what my soul was really aching for. Am I running (in my still sedentary type of way) to a new future – or from something I don’t want to deal with?

I feel like the White Rabbit, racing about like a headless chicken knowing he’s late for SOMEthing, but not sure first. I haven’t thought of that story for years, and download it. I thought I had my next steps sorted, but then realised the journaling course I was about to teach was what I needed to learn first. Mindful, nurturing balance. Then at our journaling Meet Up, MaryAnne tells me she has the whole book on a poster.

Then Leslie starts posting the exact quotes I was thinking of. Then Diane’s allotment is invaded by rabbits, because she hasn’t put her fence up yet. Rabbits, I learn, signify boundaries – and appear at a time when you are trying to run away from something you need to face head on. Hhhhmm

Miracle 12 – I want to go home

I don’t know!! I keep anticipating, ducking and diving, hoping it will be clear in due course. I realise I’m not being present. I need a map, a centre again. A map to get me home to where I feel grounded, rooted, and free to be me. With mentors, Anam Cara’s, direction. With a startling realisation that feels like an electric shock I realise I need MY haven. Now. Where I am.

Home as a haven was critical for me, as a place to have friends and family connect and share. I am a connector – except in this one place, for I have blocked this for some 14 years, afraid that previous patterns would be repeated. But that was then and this is now.

I go through my house removing clutter to rubbish dumps and charity shops. Car loads. Unheard of, six big bags of books go too. I make a list of all the little things we will do before Christmas to make our home perfect for us. That load-of-my-back feeling is there again. Skip! Laugh! Jump for Joy!

And the same day I realise this, Leslie invites me to her next story-telling event. Hansel & Gretel/Finding Your Way Home

And because I am now in flow, the flow extends, and I tell Diane about this and see tears spring to get eyes. It’s HER story, she says, as she realises it is time for her too to haven her home.

Miracle 13 – The House of Belonging

When I started, I had no idea how many I would actually write about. And it turns ours it is 13; my number. Wow!

I buy a book for a friend and end up reading it because I’m not well enough to work. It quotes John O’Donohue, one of my new favourite authors. He says this:

“When you learn to love, let yourself be loved, you come to the hearth of your own spirit…you are warm and sheltered.”

I read this in Sarah Ban Breathnach’s book Moving On, in the context of explaining about the House of Belonging. I don’t know what that refers to, but immediately, it sings to me. THAT is what I am aching for. She then tells me it is an ancient Celtic metaphor for “the body as the earthly home for souls, as well as for the deep peace and feeling of safety, joy and contentment found in intimate connections with people, places and houses.”

The House of Belongings. Peace. Safety, joy and contentment. Connections.

Perfect. Amazingly wonderfully perfect.