At the beginning of 2012, I set my theme for this year, and part of it was to see miracles. Not the big Walking On Water miracles (though I believe in these), but the other type of miracles, where things happen that you can’t explain at exactly the right time. Jung called this synchronicity – I still call it miracles, because you can’t explain it, and the timing is just so perfect for your soul. They’ve been happening – so much so, I started a specific journal to record them! And when I started Project Me I thought I expected some to happen – but not quite so many! What I now realise is that though I’m a state of flux, a place of change, all I ever need is the next step – take that step, and I am encouraged, comforted, and I flow with the Universe.
Miracle 1: On being vulnerable
I feel vulnerable sharing this journey publicly – more so than I thought I would, yet I wanted to do it to keep me accountable and to encourage someone. I open myself to ridicule, criticism (spoken or unspoken), to being ignored as well. Feeling vulnerable isn’t pleasant, and as I’m feeling this feeling, just as I’m preparing to start the Project, I read this on my Louise Hay calendar, “I let go of all expectations. Other people are free to be themselves, and I am free to be me.” Time to be me, then!
Miracle 2: Creativity
I have no real idea how to nurture myself. I meet a friend on Team Caroline and she asks me HOW I will do this, and I give some standard answers – more massages, baths, reading. The answer satisfied for the time it was asked, but it wasn’t enough. I come home and google “nurture” and I find lots on nurturing your child, and your creativity, but not a great deal else. Still, I read some information on creativity – and realise I DO need to nurture that side of me; it’s something I don’t do enough. I even consider being wildly creative, as my favourite Wild Women are on Team Caroline! The next morning, while still thinking about this, I open an email from Oprah’s life class and find 13 quotes to inspire your creativity!
“The most creative act you will ever undertake is the act of creating yourself.” Deepak Chopra
“You have to leave the city of your comfort, and go into the wilderness of your intuition.” Alan Alda
“I see your life as already artful, just waiting and ready for you to make art.” Toni Morrison
“If you are unhappy with anything – whatever is bringing you down – get rid of it. Because you will find that when you are free, your time, creativity, your true self comes out.” Tina Turner
Miracle 3: Nurturing my spirit
I write about how I realise I hadn’t spent time nurturing my spirit, and had suffered the consequences of this… much later that night, I sat down to read an email from someone whose partner was murdered as a result of knife crime. I don’t recall how we first made contact, perhaps it was something to do with work I was doing with some victims of such crimes, but however it happened, over the past year she has become a friend as well. And she’d read my blog – and then emailed me this, but I hadn’t read it at the time she emailed me, waiting until I could read it properly – yet the timing of when I read it was perfect.
“You are quite right to devote some time to you. I did that and I honestly don’t think I would have managed to reconnect to myself and the world in the way I have. After my partner’s death I could hardly read anything for pleasure which was another huge loss. I began by reading poetry because there were no long sentences and moved on to some of the spiritual writing from my (long lost) hippyish youth.
I read in a book on grief, a new favourite topic, by Alan D Wolfelt that we know we are supposed to exercise our bodies 30 minutes daily but we need to exercise our spirit for 30 minutes daily. It made sense and the latter was easier for me than the former! I found ways to do it, often meditating, sometimes just a walk, listening to a lot of meditative music Gregorian chants, Buddhist chants the list is long and of course writing so now it has almost become a part of me. It is strange because I sometimes get blasé and think I don’t need it or I don’t have time and that is often when I take a big dip again. So in my usual long winded way I am saying yes nurture yourself, 30 minutes a day – we are worth that!!!”
I know I have been starting again to nurture my spirit – but my body? I realise that this is something I just don’t do..
Yet – Miracle 4: Movement
The next day, I read about the Stanford Creativity and Business course followed by “wildly creative women” – and they say that “strenghtening the mind/body connection is so important to being more creative in your life.” This gets me thinking about that connection. In the past 14 years, I realise that I’ve always been thinking, attending courses, reading, growing, learning – but there’s been a disconnect with my body. Later that same day, Jane from Team Caroline sends me through a list of questions to help me consider what nurture might mean to me – and I make a list of what makes me feel alive. It says, “the sea, cycling, walking in the hills, powerful music, passion, being on top of a hill, dancing” a among other things, most of which are to do with movement of some sort, many of which I do so little of. This will change – in fact it has already changed! I’m cycling, walking, climbing 5 flights of stairs at work, dancing!
Am I on the right path for me? It feels right – and then I read this from Louise Hay:
“The holistic philosophy is to nurture and nourish the entire being – the body, the mind, and the spirit. If we ignore any of thes areas, we are incomplete; we lack wholeness.”
The first four miracles of timing; of next steps or the right article or quote exactly when I need it. Wow! I’m stunned in gratitude… at the same time as things are getting really shaken up, where I enter a void of uncertainty and anxiety. Though I know my soul is getting shaken at a deep level, to change me, it is an unpleasant place to be.. yet still, the miracles of next steps keep happening…