In all things and in all your ways, may there be wings behind you (angels ever by you).
May there be promise before you (vision drawing you onward).
May there be hope ever above you (comfort wrapping you in grace).
May there be strength beneath you (enthusiasm beyond yourself).
And in all times and all experiences, may the colours of your soul rise greatly within you and the light which weaves your soul to greatness will continue to shine and make a clearer way for others.
Mary Anne Radmacher.
Change frightens us because we lose what is familiar and stand in a new landscape we don’t recognise. We are no longer in control. We want certainty where there is mainly uncertainty. We want a plan – we need a plan, so we can see the end though at the beginning. Our frantic attempts to control the chaos exhaust us, as we run from our centre, as we seek to be General Manager of our world. When we live like that, there is no room for trust.
What if we even trusted that we have called chaos to us, for the soul lessons we must learn?
What if we let go of our fears about making mistakes, looking foolish, wasting time and money or the impact on our relationships,?
What if we trusted that there is no failure, only feedback?
What if we stopped, and sat with our emotions, because we are emotional beings, and just listened to our heart?
Would we not find whispers of hope and peace and possibility there?
It’s time to find the silence in the chaos of uncertainty, and sit with it and listen. Listen, and start to see the gifts it brings, or might bring. Know that in the end, you cannot make mistakes; you cannot make wrong choices because you know you will all-ways make that choice right, where your soul path is concerned.
Your soul has called this to you for a reason, and you are stronger than you think. All is well.
John is probably my favourite spiritual author – but it wasn’t until I slowed my life down that I could appreciate the beauty of his language and wisdom. May you be blessed.
May you awaken to the mystery of being here and enter the quiet immensity of your own presence.
May you have joy and peace in the temple of your senses.
May you receive great encouragement when new frontiers beckon.
May you respond to the call of your gift and find the courage to follow its path.
May the flame of anger free you from falsity.
May warmth of heart keep your presence aflame and may anxiety never linger about you.
May your outer dignity mirror an inner dignity of soul.
May you take time to celebrate the quiet miracles that seek no attention.
May you be consoled in the secret symmetry of your soul.
May you experience each day as a sacred gift woven around the heart of wonder.
~ John O’Donohue
I love these words of Sonia Choquette, in her book, “Grace, Gratitude and Gifts,” a book one of my dearest soul friends bought me last year knowing it would call me to read it when the time was right.
“…..help me look upon my life experiences with neutrality and appreciation for all the great learning experiences my soul has had. Grace me with the ability to remove all harmful negative filters of judgement, shame, regret, and guilty that I project onto my soul experiences, preventing me from deriving the genuine value each one has brought into my life, and please instead inspire me to review my past with the interest and objectivity of a co-creator student who is here to learn all that is possible from each life experience and condition to grow my soul…..
Grace me with deep understanding in my heart and Spirit that all unfolds in your supreme perfection and that in Divine eyes there are no victims, only students of life, having experiences.”
I believe in the power of words, and that certain books can change your life. I’ve learned that books call to me when I’m meant to read them, when I’m ready to sit with my journal and let the words inspire or teach me as I explore what happens next.
When Sonia Choquette’s book, “Grace, Gratitude and Gifts” attracted my attention, I could have dismissed it, as I’d tried to read another book by her but had ended up setting it aside. But I have learned to trust my intuition – and I’m glad it did, for man, did change happen, and here’s how!
1. Losses create space for the lessons your soul needs
The introduction explained how she wrote the books, through automatic writing. I ask God to bless my writing now, but this was a step beyond that – it was asking God to write through you. In my journaling classes and coaching, I sometimes suggest “stream of consciousness” writing, where you just put pen to paper and see what happens for a few minutes, without judging it at the time. It can be surprising what happens in three minutes. This, however, was a much more deliberate process – one that acknowledged and accepted outside help.
So for the first time ever, I did as she suggested – and asked my Spirit Guides and Angels to guide my writing, covering me in light and love as they did this. I had no idea what would happen when I started to write, and I didn’t expect to find it was the words that came were the story of the end of my first marriage.
A story that is all-ways my story in the same way all the other players have their story and version of events, but I can only tell my own story, with respect for theirs. The story poured out, but in a different way than I’d expected. It was still a story of three people in a marriage, invisibility, a dutiful wife on a lonely pedestal with lots of masks and lists of what not-to-do’s. A story of someone thinking they were living from the light but where all the light got snuffed out so all I saw was a tunnel with no light at the end, darkness. I was unseen, unheard, and unloved, a woman with no boundaries who was fenced in by her culture and beliefs but who found that a culture cannot box you in or stop your heart seeking love and appreciation, for it is love or fear that drives us almost anywhere. It was also a story of a darkness that was almost self-extinguished in despair, where hope could not be found and options could not be seen. It was a story that meant that appreciation was the spark that meant I’d lose my home, my job, my community, my church communities, and almost all of my friends – but as my youngest daughter said when I shared this all with her for the first time, it was a story where I had lost myself. It was a story that still defined me, as I was stuck there with the glues of regret and shame, guilt and anger, hurt and fear. But as I wrote, the story unexpectedly moved to the future – and I was grateful for losing all of these things as well as who I had been, because it created space for all that is so good in my life. I found that this gratitude and perspective gave me much peace.
2. Opening and Closing Doors
Yet that night, I couldn’t sleep. I wasn’t feeling well, but it wasn’t that – it was the really strong smell of faeces, like the toilet was blocked, and a feeling of overwhelm and heaviness. I was sure the others in the house could smell it, it was so strong, yet no-one commented on it, so I didn’t feel I could. When I’d put my head on the pillow, it was particularly strong, so sleep escaped me. At 2 a.m. in the morning, I googled it – and read that smells like this might suggest evil or negative spirits and at that point, this made perfect sense to me given how I was feeling.
So I prayed for protection and searched for an answer again, and found blessings/prayers to use to protect me and my family and house – and the smell disappeared and I slept. This happened again the next night, and I did the same and commanded whatever was there to go, as I was living in love and light and peace and joy and there was no space for it. I felt that in asking my spirit guides and angels to work through me, I had also opened an energetic door where things that were less than totally positive could enter. I needed to shut this door firmly, so I did.
3. A Profound Experience in Grace
The book is a series of daily readings, mantras, prayers and blessings. On my third morning, with my heart cracked open, I read this.
“I humbly ask you to bestow your all-empowering grace upon me this day so that I find the power to forgive those who have hurt or injured me in the past, even though I still feel the pain of their injuries to me. Allow me the grace to stop dwelling in the past, and to release all moments from my mind and emotions where I have perceived myself to be wronged and felt hurt, whether or not the events that passed were meant to personally assault me. I humbly ask for your holy grace to give me the ability to let bygones be bygones, and to free my mind permanently of any memory of wrongdoing, whether at my expense or caused by me. I ask for your holy grace to release me from all guilt or shame that is the result of my own wrongdoing or wrong thinking in the past, so that I may forgive myself fully and learn from my mistakes but not be held hostage by them.”
As I read on, I actually felt that prayer in every fibre of my body; it was a prayer from my heart. And amazingly, wonderfully, I found myself forgiving many of the key figure who had hurt me, and letting bygones be bygones. More than that, I found myself blessing them and asking that they would also all love, light, peace, happiness – and love. It was a profound experience in grace that I am still smiling at – and this too is my story. Namaste
I pass this on, because I loved it.
Seek answers that feel right within your soul. Your soul knows what the truth is, and it will tell you through feelings. Always listen to your feelings. They know … they know.
Live, experience, feel. Do not seek to identify yourself. You will never have a point of understanding from which you can say, “This is who I am!”, for in each expanding moment of consciousness, of being God, who you are will have changed into the next moment of being.To know who you are is to feel what you feel each moment.
Never do anything, no matter how far you are into it, if you lose the joy of it and it becomes monotonous and mundane. Do away with it and do something else that brings happiness. For perhaps what you needed to learn from it you have already achieved. Go wherever you want to go, do whatever you want to do, for as long as you want to.
Create only for the mere joy of creating. When you create for you, you will soon find yourself living in joy.
Don’t ever strive to have anyone understand you.If they wish to understand, they will.
Love everyone. Have compassion for all other entities. You do not need to go and take care of them. Love them by allowing them to express however they choose. That is the greatest thing you can do! If they are angered or disappointed by your life, love them by allowing them to be they way.Then you have become a great god, a great light!
Leaving 2011 behind
I’m loving what people are affirming their intentions for 2012 will be… and there is a pattern there that I don’t remember seeing before. It’s as if many know that external changes are desired, but the ultimate aim is to change internally in some way, to expect more from their lives or appreciate what they already have, or to grow in some way. 2011 is a year that many are glad to leave behind. It gave opportunities for growth, it allowed others to accept “what is,” and yet others suffered the loss of loved ones or dealt with serious illness or dis-ease they never anticipated, and had they thought about it in advance, would have known they could not have coped. Yet they all have survived, albeit changed.
Lessons learned & learning to let go
Who knows what the next year will bring? Since there is so much that is beyond our control, all we can do at the start of a year is set our intent, and ask that what happens is for our highest good. I’ve had a most unusual year that I could never have foreseen this time last year. It’s a year when I’ve made many mistakes, learned a lot of lessons about time. Energy, trust, expectations and assumptions, and made a lot of new friends, (and probably enemies). It’s also been a year when slowly, I’ve started to let go of things (including pride and my need to do everything myself) and people,( including those who wished to go of their own free will and those who just left without saying anything). In the past, those who left or distanced themselves from me would have left me feeling dejected and rejected, but it’s testament to how I’m changing that I’ve allowed them to go -and asked that the Universe blesses them with love and joy, strength and peace as the go. In itself, this is a miracle for me.
Miracles R Us
Since I blogged on my intention for 2012, I’ve had a lot of questions about what a miracle is, and why I think I should see these – and frankly, I’ve no real idea, except that I’ve been drawn to this book many times and found it by a wonderful “accident” when on holidays. I may study it and at the end know it’s not for me, but I start reading it with an open mind – and what IT says is that it doesn’t matter who or what you are, miracles are for you. It doesn’t matter what your past or background is, just know that they “undo the past in the present, and thus release the future.” And franky, I’m up for that.
Passport at the ready
At this point, I’d say a miracle would be something that is way beyond what I could expect from natural laws, and indeed it might even be what others call grace, or others may call serendipity. The Course in Miracles seems to have many definitions that I’ll be exploring for myself, and I expect it will be quite a journey internally and externally.
And I will be exploring for myself. I have a wide range of friends with various beliefs or “no” beliefs and I can see that a few of them do not help in living on a daily basis. I know some who believe strongly in God who are deeply unhappy but appear jolly, and I know some who have no belief in God and who on the surface appear to have it all together, yet are also deeply unhappy and live lives that are so much less than they long for. They are also those who think a focus on keeping your attitude positive is a waste of time, which I found to be quite interesting… I start with a belief in a higher power, that is outside of us all and has positive intent for my life, and who is actually interested in me as an individual human being. In that respect, I’m with Einstein, who said we should see the Universe as a friendly place, and that’s as good a view to take as any, given how the Reticular Activating System works.
Walking in truth
Once upon a time, I knew the truth, and that was the truth, the whole truth – and the only truth. I fought hard to defend that truth from attack, and I lived from a place that knew that mine was the right truth, but now I know differently. Not only do I have quite different beliefs about absolutism and fundamentalism, I know that my responsibility is simply to find MY truth and live it and breathe it. It’s none of my nosy business what others do. It is not for me to judge your walk against mine, or compare your beliefs with mine except to see which “fit” me. Indeed, I do not have the time to judge or compare, if I am to concentrate on my walk and be open to my own soul lessons! Instead, knowing I have no right to meddle or interfere, I respect your right to walk in your truth, to learn your own lessons, to hear the voices you need to hear for the growth of your soul. My only responsibility is to me; – and believe me when I say that this attitude is a miraculous change.
New Year’s Eve Silence
Today is New Year’s Eve (called Hogmanay in Scotland), and I have much to do to get the house ready for our guests and for tomorrow and next week. I know that many are doing a massive house clean and tidy to “sweep out the old,” a great metaphor of what we want for our lives. I’m not doing that, as I’m still not feeling that well, which at least reminds me that self-care and health are indeed to be a priority, but the girls have helped me do the essentials. Normally, I would push myself on through it, but since I can’t shift what I’ve now had nearly continuously from September, I didn’t – and didn’t feel guilty because I knew I needed to take the time to heal. And to be silent with my journal – and what I read was about immersing oneself in the immense silence to find God, the Divine, the Universe within in order to catch fire. I haven’t started thinking about what that might mean….
Silence is a rare thing these days across the world, and a rare thing for me, given I fill my time up with people, social media, words, music, news, facts and anything that I believed would help me to grow and continuously improve. But in leaving little space to breathe, this greediness for growth and knowing more meant that there was all-ways noise. In being a multi-tasker instead of a mono-tasker, perhaps all I’ve really done is pick up little bits of lots of things and hold on to these, when little of it is of value to others, or to my soul. In the noise, I cannot hear my heart speak. So 2012 means it’s time to instead be greedy for silence and to now absorb what I all-ready know, and to focus on less instead of more. And in the silence, I will hear, and in the hearing, learn to move from fear to love.
A quote from one of my favourite authors on authenticity. “Years ago I still feared loss enough to abandon myself in order to keep things stable. I’d smile when I was sad, pretend to like people who appalled me. What I now know is that losses aren’t cataclysmic if they teach the heart and soul their natural cycle of breaking and healing. A real tragedy? That’s the loss of the heart and soul themselves. If you’ve abandoned yourself in the effort to keep anyone or anything else, unlearn that pattern. Live your truth, losses be damned. Just like that, your heart and soul will return home.” Martha Beck